Isaiah’s journey to eat his first peanut seemed like the most natural thing in the world. He was excited, I was excited (and also pretty nervous), but I didn’t realize he was nervous too.
I thought everything was going to be amazing! And then we got there.
That day there were interns in the office. Dr D wanted us to talk to them about what eating a peanut meant to Isaiah.
I guess I am kind of a pushy mom. I mean this is HUGE right? I have been inwardly terrified about an accident. Not so much now, he is really conscientious and never leaves home without his epi-pens. But what happens when he is a teenager? When he is too cool to carry a bag with him wherever he goes?
What happens when he travels out of the country?
This process is so much bigger than he could possibly comprehend, and I wanted him to share that. But how could he? How could he know? He’s 11, he’s not a parent, he thinks he’s a grown-up but he is a little kid, and apparently he was a little kid who was scared.
It turned out he couldn’t eat the peanut with an audience.
I thought he would just do it! I get it, I was completely out of touch. I come from a long line of emotion suppressors and deniers. I knew he was stressed but I thought he should be able to just do it.
I was wrong, he needed his mom, he needed his space, he needed to talk himself off of the ledge.
His process involved a lot of reassurance. Realizing he was touching a peanut with no reaction. Licking the peanut and having the aha moment that there was no reaction. He checked his arms, he made the decision, he ate the peanut.
Guess what? He hated the peanut.
Apparently peanuts taste like dried up corn in dirt.